Look at me … I’m a lady
Look at me … I’m a lady

Look at me … I’m a lady

Apparently ladies are back in fashion.

And the evidence? ‘Lady’ Gaga, ‘ladylike’ fashions (what? Like the one adorning the article???), and Margaret Thatcher (the ‘Iron Lady’).  If Lady Gaga is your standard for ladies, then you’re in trouble. She might be a lot of things, but a lady is not one of them.

I’m old enough to remember ladies (just – vaguely).  I also remember wanting to grow up to be one.

My grandmother, who had a lot of influence over me when I was young, tried to teach me how to be a lady. And I tried, really I did. She not only showed me how to dress but she made my clothes (she was a fabulous dressmaker and used to make hand beaded gowns for Sydney’s society ‘ladies’), she taught me how to paint my nails, look after my skin (put lemon juice on the back of your hands to keep them white and clean), and how to sit (legs together, feet crossed at the ankles). Notice how they’re all superficial things about appearance?

One thing she couldn’t teach me, that ladies really need to know, is how to be nice all the time. She was far too formidable for that!

And lucky for me I came of age at a time when ladies really were out of fashion, so I very quickly forgot almost everything she taught me. Except how to paint my nails and wear high heels.

I remember reading Seven Little Australians when I was young.  Judy was my favourite character, the one who had the most trouble being a lady. Ditto Jo in Little Women. And my favourite character in fiction? Scarlett O’Hara. Not one of them could conform to the standards their society set for ladies – because they wanted to lead real lives – to learn, have careers, and experience life outside their own small circle.

Or, in today’s parlance – to drink, burp, fart and swear, and put the evidence on facebook. Well, maybe not the fart part, most young women still have a problem admitting to that bodily function.

Now before you start thinking I’m just some mad feminist (I am), who thinks women should be imitation men (I don’t) – I love some of the trappings of being feminine (if not ladylike). I love to cook; I wear high heels and prefer dresses to pants anytime –  I even wear dresses when we go camping – and love to get dressed up. I also think being a mother and caring for my children was one of the best things I’ve ever done – though my kids might tell you different!

One of the things I did notice when my grandmother was trying to teach me to be a lady is that most ladies only existed in public, they were completely different behind closed doors. And often they weren’t very nice at all, probably because they were pissed off with having to pretend to be nice, and  not correcting stupidity because they weren’t supposed to have any opinions of their own.

So, back to fiction for the final quote about being a lady, because that’s where most ladies are found.  Over to you Scarlett O’Hara as she throws a crystal vase against a wall because Ashley Wilkes has rejected her, only to have Rhett Butler pop his head up from behind the lounge:

Scarlett: “You sir, are no gentleman”

Rhett: “And you miss are no lady. Don’t think that I hold that against you, ladies have never held any charm for me”